Find a job you love and maybe you'll never need to retire! That may take a while so in the meantime here's a Top 10 list of the best funny retirement quotes I could find.
"Retirement life begins
when the kids move out and the cat gets run over."
"The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest.
You are always being asked to do things,
and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down."
- T. S. Eliot
"I'm not just retiring from the company,
I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron."
- Hartman Jule
"Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did."
- Robert Benchley
"I really stay busy [in retirement].
I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends
to go play in tennis tournaments."
- Richard Davies
"There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit . . . . retire!"
- Groucho Marx
"A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job."
- Ella Harris
"Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does."
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy.
It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
- Jackie Mason
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap."
- Bob Hope
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"The money is no better in retirement but the hours are!"
"If people concentrated on the really important things in life,
there'd be a shortage of fishing poles."
- Doug Larson
"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas.
The goal is to enjoy it the fullest,
but not so fully that you run out of money."
- Jonathan Clements
"Never get out of bed before noon."
- Charles Bukowski
"Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty."
- Joan Rivers
"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance,
his colleagues generally present him with a watch."
- R.C. Sherriff
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